I don’t normally write about leadership. Somehow it’s become a niche subject: either the subject of some banal business book, or discussed by the military. It seems remote from politics or even economics because we live in an elite consensus society, where leadership is rare because the price of stepping out of the consensus can be ostracism from the elite.
Let’s start with a story. Once upon a time a friend and I were working for the same multinational, dealing with the same people. One day she complained to me. “Ian,” she said. “Fred is so persnickitty, such a fop. Thelma is so lazy. Our boss is so disorganized.” On and on she went, capping with “I can never get help!”
I was floored. Slowly I replied. “You know, I don’t see any of those people that way. I think that Fred is really precise and does very good detailed work. I think Thelma is friendly and kind. I think our boss is one of the best bosses I’ve ever had, who always listens to my concerns, lets me run and takes care of his employees. And,” I continued, “when I ask for help from any of them, I always get it.”
I thought about that some more over the years to come, and I came to a conclusion about it.
One very simple method of leadership is to find something, some things, to admire about people. Most people live in a sea of negativity. Their spouse is on their case, their kids think they’re foggies, their co-workers always want more, their bosses never speak to them except to complain.
If you admire someone, if you think they’re great, that’s something they may not get from anyone else in their life. And they will do almost anything to keep that.
I think back to the teachers I did the best work for. They weren’t the ones who thought I was lazy waste of space. They were the ones who thought I was smart and insightful and had a great future (hah!) Mr. Frazer, Mr. Newell, Mr Skinner, a couple others. I didn’t turn in bad work to them. I didn’t quit a race without trying hard for my coach. Why? Because I treasured the fact that they thought highly of me. I didn’t want to lose that.
This isn’t all there is to leadership, of course, there’s a lot more. You have to draw people into a dream, give them space, make any victories their victories, while taking the responsibility for the losses. You have to hold them to a high standard, which is an implicit compliment since it indicates you think they can meet that standard. You have to praise them, you have to protect them, you have to take blows for them and you have to treat them well. The hardships they endure, you must endure (one of my rules was that if I asked someone else to stay late at work, I stayed late as well, for example.)
When FDR was president he spoke to Americans on the radio regularly. And he didn’t condescend. He acted as if they were adults who could be trusted to understand complicated subjects and who could be trusted to do the right thing. Because he included them, because he gave them the compliment of assuming they would do the right thing, by and large they did.
Most people live up, or down, to your expectations of them. Live with them, for them, include them in the dream, give them credit, see the best in them, not the worst, and they will march into the gates of hell, not for you, but with you.